Tony (Token Irishman…everyone’s got one) – Since the age of 4, Tony was blessed with the voice of an angel. He could sing for hours upon hours in his little Irish hamlet of Kickafuckenlepricorn. At school concerts or at the local Gaelic club, people would melt at the sound of Tony’s voice.
When he turned 17, Tony thought he could use his gift for financial gain, so he auditioned for a rock band. The 3 band members, Larry, Adam and Dave thought Tony had the most perfectly pitched voice they had ever heard…and Tony became the first lead singer of U2.
1 minute after getting the gig, the band told Tony he must be known as Bono. ‘Bono?’ screamed Tony, ‘I want the world to know me as Tonsil Tickler Tony, you can jam the name Bono up your collective pikey asses’, and Tony walked out. ‘I’m gonna be someone, and you fuckers are going nowhere’ screamed Tony on his way out. The subsequent success of U2 and their second choice ‘Bono’ left Tony empty…he will forever hold a deep seeded vendetta against those 4 Dublin pikeys…
One day, Tony heard U2 are playing at the closing ceremony of the Rugby World Cup…but how do I get there? Tony’s mate, Josho, was heading over to the Cup with 2 other fellas, Tony could jump on the back of this? I’ll pretend I’m going to the rugby, but really I;’m going to shame those U2 pikey fuckers…
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